Joyous Living Massage

My Story

This story has been written in the pages of my life. It is a story of discovery, an exploration into the fibers of a delicate matrix. More than that, however, it is a saga that offers a tale of the spiraling, weaving, undulating signals of life begging for health. Like a rose dropping its petals, the mists of the universe have showered me with cosmic lessons, each offering layers of understanding, each unveiling a path of wonder.   Read this narrative with your mind, but also with your heart. Know that its writing is to offer you a little history, but also to suggest the power of the flowing wisdom that lies just under the surface of our sacred essences.

Like many local therapists, I was initially instructed in neuromuscular massage therapy and began my career, assuming I would gain confidence and skill thru traditional continuing education experiences. Indeed, having an insatiable desire to learn, I attended a variety of workshops including craniosacral/sacred spaces massage, lymph drainage, Lomi-Lomi massage, myofascial release, therapeutic essential oils, and stone therapy. I remained fascinated and challenged, but did not realize that I had not truly begun my journey.

Personal events had been altering my path in several ways. I had suffered a stroke in 1971, and while recovering most skills, still I struggled with balance and sensory/proprioceptive/bodily awareness issues. While it appeared to the outside world that I had recovered fairly quickly, the insides were lost, confused and with minimal guidance. I had little bodily awareness on the injured side, relying on the left for all sensory input.

When there was response it was confusing. Tickle was perceived as pain. The rules were fairly simple. There was o.k. and not o.k., for temperature, touch or pain. What registered was never graded or refined. It was raw, it was absent or it was overwhelming. It would be many years later as these sensations returned that I began to understand just how bound I had become in that sensory obscurity. Having no clear internal voices, I would stumble many times, literally and in my own personal journey of self discovery.

Some intense synchronistic experiences during my rehabilitation led me into the field of speech pathology, a choice that would later lay the groundwork for my current explorations into the internal body communication pathways. For a long time, I would view the many structures of the body in anatomical language, each little part viewed for its specific location, merits and roles. It would be years later before I came to understand the special relationship to healing found deep within the resonating tissues of those oral chambers.

In early 2002, I broke my right kneecap and in December of that same year I broke my right wrist. During recovery from the bone injuries, I began to learn several alternatives to the deep tissue strategies. I found answers emerging from the tissue layers - patterns that invited movement of tissues, toxins and energy. I explored methods for opening to the body’s wisdom, and practiced being present for new techniques to unfold.

In sacred spaces therapy (in the cranio sacral realm), I had been introduced to the ‘fluid model’. This approach held fascination, but primarily within the academic/neurological framework. While there were discussions of the larger anatomy & physiology, and some level of understanding and appreciation at a body structure level, this connection had not begun to sink in, to truly filter into my massaging hands, or to resonate at a cellular level.

In the spring of 2004 I took an intensive training for the Nia Technique, a high energy movement form. Somewhere during that experience, the pieces began to connect. What had begun as a tool for staying physically fit ‘accidentally’ became a basis through which to expand the massage process itself, considering each component thru this more fluid based philosophy of movement.   Every therapy session began to reveal new information regarding familiar topics such as body mechanics and basic massage strokes. Anatomy became a view of the sculpting nature of the body with its layers of spiraling structures and energies, each adding dimension and depth to the bodywork experience. The strategies being revealed followed the body’s natural pathways, opened the tissues and offered deep and lasting releases.

This ‘fluid’ model as a base for massage continued to sink even deeper into my consciousness. Additional information manifested following a sciatic ‘lock up’ in the summer of 2005. Of all the challenges I had faced, this was certainly the most intense, with layers connecting to the stroke, the bones, balance, sensation and even survival.

There was pain like no other. To look at me would be to view a woman writhing in frequent unrelenting whole body spasms, waves of anguish that bound tissue from my toes to my frontal bones. At one point there were such intense contractions, I could only manage small, shallow breaths – I could not cry, dialog, move my trunk or shift my legs. I came to realize that I had lost many of my motor planning skills and my ability to maneuver physically. I also began to recognize that this pain was a form of deep body trauma wounding surfacing some 30+ years after the stroke, intense sensations that had never been registered by the right side of the body.

Perhaps some examples of the challenges my body had not been able to resolve are needed for the reader to get a clearer perspective. When I began to have issues with extended female cycles a year after my son was born, the physician began to run a series of tests. Symptoms did not make sense to him. After a series of tests, he remained very concerned, but puzzled. Nothing was adding up, but the digestive issues, the swelling and continued bleeding continued. Finally, I was able to report some symptoms affecting the left side and he began to piece things together. After several more tests and two ultrasounds, he suggested immediate surgery for a probable tubular pregnancy. He related to me later that the fetus had been growing for 9 weeks. The doctor was amazed that I was never able to offer one symptom from that very inflamed and enlarged right ovary.

I recalled a skiing accident in which I had severely twisted my knee. My body told me the issue was my ankle. Since it had not begun to swell, after a few minutes, I began to ski again. The next morning, I discovered to my surprise that my ankle was fine – it was my knee that was very swollen. It did not really hurt, so I wrapped it and continued to ski. Again there was the doctor’s astonishment that I was walking at all, and without significant pain.

These incidents would surface later as I began to understand the amazing healing that was evolving as I silently lay there during the sciatic lock up experience, trying to avoid another wave of the intense spasms. I did not yet understand that the pain I felt was a guiding force. I did not see that by slowing and carefully navigating very simple maneuvers, I was reconnecting pathways for sensory and motor responses, lost so many years earlier.   What was clear, however, was that this was a pain not to be ignored or medicated. It was necessary to let it be there, to sit with it, to follow its lead, and to allow my body to heal in its own way.

Intuitively, I understood that these deep sensations could not be massaged away. There were no knots, congestion, trigger points to be dug out, pushed on, or explained at a muscle/bone/nerve/ or organ level. These were tissues and cells claiming their right to move, to explore space in three dimensions, slowly and in time with a greater rhythm.

My sacred spaces therapist had witnessed my distress, and had suggested I watch a video on a movement form known as Continuum. In this film, its founder, Emilie Conrad shared her visionary wisdom regarding the exquisite splendor of this flowing intelligence. She did not offer a recipe, but her words began to sink in none the less. Rolling around on the floor, I began to listen and to explore this watery world. Continuum may be called the ultimate fluid model, inviting the practitioner to investigate our bio-intelligence at a molecular level. I was coming to understand the true healing magic of fluid and of learning to be guided by its gentle, but powerful movements.

As the days and months went by, I found that even the smallest gains in movement spilled over in to everyday activities. Balance returned as the intrinsic muscles of the ankles, knees, hips, and upper body began to fire once again. Smell, tastes, tactile awareness all shifted to accommodate these new sensations. Overwhelmed at times, I found these simple movement patterns offered emotional releases and connections I did not know were available.

As I returned to the massage table, every event became an opportunity to be grateful for this new freedom. The discovery that had begun after learning Nia took on greater significance. The need to honor fluid as a teacher and healer, to work with the tissue, to add resonating voices of sound, breath and movement became even more apparent.

These many lessons have become the foundation for my new massage therapy style. As my body began to demand its participation in this approach, I discovered that the techniques I had been learning were making sense on multiple levels. Massage was no longer a physical challenge but more of a dance of tissue. The strategies allowed for deep releases from tenderness through the unwinding of springs of trapped energies. This flow of connection opened pathways that stirred the intuition of change, ultimately inspiring my write manuals for the massage style I now call Integrative Massage Therapy ®.

This treatment form has evolved from the stroke experience, from the academic trainings, the broken bones and finally the several layers of training involving the nourishment found in the fluids of life. Every phase of this voyage has found its way into the manuals, the treatment protocols and the awareness experiences.

Each day continues to be a lesson in the mysteries of synchronicity and joy. Each experience seems to be a teacher offering itself like a bit of fine chocolate to be savored. The spiraling that had been my lifeline continued to offer richness to my work and to my daily interactions.

From the depths of the ocean waters comes that ancient phrase that says so much. Namaste. When I am in my heart and you in yours, there is Oneness. Such is the spirit of these words.